TV Reporter Bloopers

Top 10 funniest news reporter bloopers

Here are the top 5 clips from the cnet news blog by Don Reisinger

I hope none of these guys are getting behind the wheel of a car

Hilarious video of animals getting drunk from fermented fruit.

Good for a chuckle

A woman went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00.

"Why so cheap?" she asked the pet store owner.

The owner looked at her and said, "Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of prostitution, and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff."

The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird anyway.   She took it home and hung the bird's cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something.

The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, "New house, new madam." The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought, "That's really not so bad." 

When her two teenage daughters returned from school, the bird saw them and said, "New house, new madam, new girls."

The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh about the situation considering how and where the parrot had been raised.

Moments later, the woman's husband Eric came home from work The bird looked at him and said, "Hi, Eric." 

Worse than an oil spill...farming

The Other Gulf Stain - Dot Earth Blog - NYTimes.com
As if the BP oil spill didn't cause enough damage to the coastal areas of the Gulf of Mexico, large amounts of nitrogen and other nutrients from midwest agricultural lands has washed down the Mississippi river and entered the Gulf.

So...what are the repercussions of this?
The abundance of nutrients causes a dramatic increase in the plant life initially (e.g. algal bloom) but then creates what is known as a 'hypoxic zone' or 'dead zone' as all the oxygen dissolved in the water gets used up by the photosynthesizing plants. This has huge ramifications for the animal life in those areas, and could be costlier to the ecosystem and the Gulf fishing economy than the BP oil spill.

The end of tv

A Portable Movie Theater - Gadgetwise Blog - NYTimes.com

I knew it was only a matter of time before televisions (even 100" plasma LCD HD ones) would go extinct and I think the beginning of the end has begun. A new portable projector from Tumi can be used on "most video-enabled MP3 players, the Apple iPhone and laptop computers." With the ever-expanding market of online viewing (Hulu, ESPN3, Netflix, etc...) it's only a matter of time before all you'll need for in-home entertainment is an internet connection, a laptop/iPhone, and a wall.

  Generation Kill by Evan Wright
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

I started this book after having watched the HBO mini-series of the same name produced by the same guys who wrote 'The Wire'. There are a lot of characters introduced and missions undertaken by the First Recon Marines during the initial assault of Iraq and it was really helpful for me to picture the real-life men in the book with the actors who portray them so accurately.

View all my reviews >>

Have humans evolved to love medicine?

Neurobiology and immunobiology of the placebo effect. Adapted from Pacheco-Lopez et al (2006).

Why do we love medicines so much?

Richard Sullivan, Isabel Behncke & Arnie Purushotham

• EMBO reports (2010) 11, 572 - 578 
• doi:10.1038/embor.2010.108

Algae to energy, seems simple enough

Schematic drawing of an algae farm for the production of biofuels.

The tide turns towards microalgae

Philip Hunter

• EMBO reports (2010) 11, 583 - 586 
• doi:10.1038/embor.2010.103

It's like the 70's all over again, tree-hugging hippies working with military veterans

Iraq War Veterans Join Environmentalists in the Oiled Gulf of Mexico
-Really interesting article written by Bryan Walsh for TIME.com connecting the wars raging in The Middle East with the BP oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico.

Wait a second, can you repeat that?...Did you say the atmosphere almost collapsed?

NASA-funded researchers are monitoring a big event in our planet's atmosphere. High above Earth's surface where the atmosphere meets space, a rarefied layer of gas called "the thermosphere" recently collapsed and now is rebounding again. One possible explanation is carbon dioxide (CO₂). When carbon dioxide gets into the thermosphere, it acts as a coolant, shedding heat via infrared radiation. It is widely-known that CO2 levels have been increasing in Earth's atmosphere. Extra CO2 in the thermosphere could have magnified the cooling action of solar minimum (Lately, solar activity has been very low. In 2008 and 2009, the sun plunged into a century-class solar minimum).

You mean stuff actually gets done at the Pentagon

US scientists working for the experimental arm of the Pentagon have developed artificial blood for use in transfusions for wounded soldiers in battlefields. The blood cells are said to be functionally indistinguishable from normal blood cells and could end forever the problem of blood donor shortages in war zones and difficulties in transporting blood to remote and inaccessible areas.


http://www.physorg.com/news198221258.html

So that's why the Arizona desert is so damn hot...

Last month was the hottest June ever recorded on Earth, the US National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration said Thursday, amid global climate warming worries.


http://www.physorg.com/news198434180.html

Radio waves & vibrations... what's the first thing that comes to mind? Batteries, duh

Bye-Bye Batteries: Radio Waves as a Low-Power Source

Using only radio waves for its electrical power, the SmartHat has a beeper that alerts the wearer to dangerous construction equipment nearby.

Vibration-powered Generators Replace AA, AAA Batteries

For example, when the generator, which the company calls "Vibration-powered Generating Battery," is set inside a remote control, it is possible to use the remote by shaking it to generate power.

Robocop phase 1

REX robotic exoskeleton gets wheelchair users back on their feet

John Hopkins Applied Physics Lab Awarded DARPA Funding to Test Thought-Controlled Prosthetic Limb System

Petition to my senators

I get e-mail newsletters from some groups who petitition for government action and sometimes I'll add my name to the cause if I agree with it.

The other day I sent in a petition to the 2 Arizona senators John McCain III (the one who ran for president)and Jon Kyl urging them to pass a comprehensive clean energy plan (I may be Canadian, but I pay Arizona taxes so they better listen to what I have to say).

I filled out my name and info and was about to submit, but then for some reason hesitated. My eyes were drawn down to the part of the petition that you can personalize and for some reason I decided to write a few of my thoughts down.

note: I've recently read magazine articles in The Atlantic (Here Comes the Neighborhood) and Time (All Aboard) about the environmental and economic benefits in building light-rail networks connecting suburbs to urban centres and utilizing high-speed trains for potential daily commuters.

Here is a bit of that petition:

Dear [Decision Maker],


For the past three months oil has gushed into our Gulf, yet the Senate has not taken up a comprehensive energy bill that will hold polluters accountable and create a clean, sustainable energy plan that breaks our addiction to oil and other dirty fuels.

Among the things I want to see the Senate deal with immediately:

-- Develop and support a comprehensive clean energy policy at home -- wind, solar, geothermal and other sustainable energy that we can use this decade. Provide incentives and mandates for increased production of clean, safe energy.

-- Hold polluters fully accountable and require them to meet reasonable targets to reduce their greenhouse gas pollution -- or be penalized.

-- Ensure companies pay their fair share of cleaning up their acts and not just lay it off on customers. Revenues generated from making polluters pay should be invested in clean energy and efficiency, and returned to consumers through rebates and incentives to be energy efficient.

-- Prioritize energy efficiency. The cheapest form of energy is energy that's not used. Incentives for weatherization, strong building energy codes and appliance standards improve our standard of living while cutting costs for consumers and reducing the need for more power plants.

*-- Create jobs and Connect the country. The development of a high-speed rail network connecting the major economic centres of the country would:

A) Reduce the high carbon emissions of the current transportation sector (I'll get a little shut-eye on my bed for the overnight train from Seattle to New York City),

B) Create jobs statewide in constructing (will the next John Henry please stand-up) and designing (will the next Frank Lloyd Wright please stand-up) the rail infrastructure, and all the new private businesses running the rail-system afterwards (future commuter: "I'm gonna ride Southwest 'train'lines, bags ride free with them),

C) Create a new transportation industry with entirely domestic profits (Unless the Russian billionaire who now owns the New Jersey Nets wants to stretch his pockets a little further),

D) Hawaii can work on a superlongoceanspanning-bridge or a sweet under-ocean tunnel connecting it to California (I don't even know if those are possible).

E) Raise property values in areas near stops (Phoenix AZ, Las Vegas NV, anywhereUSA),

F) 0%, the chances of any emergency landings in the Hudson River due to Migrating Canadian Geese(http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/28678669/)

G) 100%, the chances Steven Seagal (the only person known to have ever knocked-down Chuck Norris) would thwart any terrorist plot against the train system.

-Resume: Under Siege 2: Dark Territory

-plot: Casey Ryback (The throat-chopping master) is traveling with his niece on a train, which is hijacked by terrorists.

The terrorists need a moving headquarters, so they can take over a satellite capable of vaporizing anything in its path (you know Osama Bin Laden has one of these lying in the back closet of his cave).

The government can't stop them from destroying Washington and also rupturing a nuclear reactor, killing millions.

Casey Ryback uses his Navy-Seal training, primarily the throat-chop, to take out all of the terrorists in an action-packed ride.

H) It's win, win, win for The Economy, The Global Warming Crisis, and Joe The Average Railroad Worker.
 
*My personalized message
 
The Gulf oil-spill nightmare is a national tragedy, but it also can be a catalyst for changing how America develops and uses energy. For too long Washington has ignored our growing problem of dependence on foreign oil and dirty energy production. The time has come to take up and pass a comprehensive energy bill now and I urge you as my Senator to do all you can to make that happen.


Sincerely,
[Your Name]
[Your Address]
[City, State ZIP]

A DOUBLE RAINBOW ALL THE WAY, OMG!

See more funny videos and TBT Videos at Today's Big Thing.

Ever wonder how to dig a hole at the bottom of the ocean...

Dot Earth: BP, Shell and the Design of Deep Wells As the gulf gusher stops, an opportunity to compare how different companies do deep drilling.

The video is a presentation from a Shell engineer describing how exactly deep sea oil drilling works and why their system is safer than BP's. It's pretty long but you can skip ahead to around 13:00 where he describes how this concept is humanly possible and why BP sucks.
 
http://dotearth.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/07/15/bp-shell-and-the-design-of-deep-wells/

Lebron James doing his best Hulk Hogan impersonation

A chemical to make brain cells grow: Mental decline thwarted in aging rats

Scientists have discovered a compound that restores the capacity to form new memories in aging rats, likely by improving the survival of newborn neurons in the brain's memory hub. The research, funded in part by the National Institutes of Health, has turned up clues to a neuroprotective mechanism that could lead to a treatment for Alzheimer's disease.

http://www.physorg.com/news197793408.html

LOL

These gave me a good chuckle.

Quotes of things people actually said in U.S. courts from a book titled, Disorder in the American Courts, published by court reporters.
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?

ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's twenty, much like your IQ.

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about 20, medium height, and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town, I'm going with male.
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK?
What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

A Friendly Rivalry

A Kiwi ventriloquist visiting Australia walks into a small village and sees a local sitting on his veranda patting his dog.
He figures he'll have a little fun, so he says to the local, “G'day, mind if I talk to your dog?”
Villager: “The dog doesn't talk, you stupid Kiwi.”
Ventriloquist: “Hello dog, how's it going, mate?”
Dog: “Yeah, doin' all right.”
Aussie (look of extreme shock)
Ventriloquist: “Is this villager your owner?” (pointing at the villager)
Dog: “Yep.”
Ventriloquist: “How does he treat you?”
Dog: “Yeah, real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food, and takes me to the lake now and again to play.”
Aussie: (look of utter disbelief)
Ventriloquist: “Mind if I talk to your horse?”
Aussie: “Uh, the horse doesn't talk either... I think.”
Ventriloquist: “Hey horse, how's it going?”
Horse: “Cool.”
Aussie: (absolutely dumbfounded)
Ventriloquist: “Is this your owner?” (Pointing at the villager)
Horse: ”Yep.”
Ventriloquist: “How does he treat you?”
Horse: ”Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often, and keeps me in the shed to protect me from the elements.”
Aussie: (total look of amazement)
Ventriloquist: “Mind if I talk to your sheep?”
Aussie (in a panic): “The sheep's a compulsive liar.”

http://www.caseyresearch.com/displayCdd.php?id=479